Sunday night

11:59pm-1/15/2012
Seems like I'm having this struggle against myself to complete this book. I know I should have been writing a lot more, but lately I keep stopping myself whenever I'm about to get really deep on some shit. It's hard to write about yourself. Everything that I have down so far is completely honest, and I hardly let people know all of my business. The reasons behind why I do what I do. I know judgements are going to come, and believe it or not, I actually care what some people think about me. You can say you don't, but I'll be honest and admit to it. Different friends know different things about me, but only few know everything that there is to know, and they still don't know all there is to know. Somethings have to be kept private, and a few names have changed, but it's all real. Maybe I be too high on some thoughts and start going crazy writing on them, come down off my high a bit, and be like, "oh shit!! She's gonna kill me if I put that out there." Or I'll come down from another one and it doesn't seem as interesting to write about. Like who the fuck would want to hear about that shit? I just need to buckle down and get on a consistent pattern. Also keep my pad or cell handy to save a good thought when it comes to me. Hopefully it all comes together the right way into something beautiful. Seriously. Maybe I should write too much while I'm high. Then again, I'm hella faded right now off some shit I got from my weed lady...so scratch that idea. I don't want to rush everything and not do it right, but I still need to get this done for myself because i said I would. The only thing really getting in the way is me. People ask me if I'm planning to sell the book....fuck yeah I am. Money isn't the motivation though. I mean it is, but it's not the reason I'm doing this. I mean, I got a little something for a rainy day, can super size a chick's meal any day of the week, and keep fresh fit on, but I'm nowhere near paid. Paid like, "Bitch you wanna take take the drop top or the helicopter to KFC? Them new wings are fire!" Or paid like, "Let's go buy a horse. I almost teared up when I watched Secretariet. So I need a horse now." Paid like that. Don't let me get on Seabiscuit though, that was my nigga. Anyway, I'm getting off subject, my high is coming down, and I need to find my remote and get it off this weak ass softcore porn shit on Cinemax. Maybe I'll actually keep this blog going too, but I'll see about that. it should actually help me clear my head a bit. That's all I got, but stay tuned. I'll post more, at random times, but whenever it comes to me I guess. I've just always needed to do things at my own pace. So....later.